Spoken Whispers Told

I walk alone but not without my name, I am mocked by man to depths of disgrace. But deep into this dying day, I took a step outside with an innocent heart. A grand oasis in the vastness of gloom. Stargazers ride through the ancient realms, realizing in this world of a million religions, everyone prays the same way. But there is no god, our creed is but for ourselves. We dance like marionettes swaying to the symphony of Destruction. Acting like robots, the worlds power falls. Dry for the unkind, not a cry for mankind. And I'm just here all alone, the only one with a pulse. We are the carpenters of our own worlds, so dry the rain from your beaten faces. I will not change for you. I am a wonderer, not a follower. I am a dreamer, not an imprisoned mind.
The wanderer in cosmic caravan.
Universal bond,
I am the Starborn.

Seven more months and Kenny's finished. I cannot wait for the day he gets his papers. Today he weedwacked the whole yard and half of mom's over grown 'plants' near the road. Tomorrow he's going to cut the trees and what not. My mom is so aprecaitive of his hard work and efforts, and he does it for nothing except for our love.

We might be having a baby! We're excited, but afraid of what people might say. Oh well, it'll be an adventure together.

~Laurel

Funny how a month, an instant, or even a second can have such a dramatic change.

They used to believe that crows would carry the souls of the dead to land of rest. However, if a death holds to be taken in horrific times, then maybe, just maybe the crow will bring the soul back to the land of the living, until it can settle the score of an unsettling past.

Crows and ravens follow me everywhere... someone's watching me


Oh my love, my Kenny. Only two more years, and you'll be mine, husband and wife. I miss you so. Every departure is heart wrecking. But I await the next day to see you.

I love you so. October 30, 2010... I can't wait!

I love you!!!!
~Kathleen

I'm dieing. I suppose that's what has been wrong with me lately. So many medical problems, finally came down to it. You know, I wish that I would have died in that car accident. I wish I didn't put on my seat belt and flown through that windsheild. A life verified in lies.. My sisters treat me like I'm worthless. Don't know why I am pretending to be better then what I am. I wish I knew what they expected from me, what am I not doing to make me a human in their eyes. Guess I can't though, I mean, I lost my virginity to being raped.. Even after taking showers I still feel dirty, I guess I'll always be dirty.

People tell me time will bring happier endings, that time will heal all wounds. Why do they lie? Time can't heal all wounds, a sad fact I've learned the hard way. My father speaks of returning home one day, but then way does he also speak of us moving out there? I don't feel for him anymore, I know, what monster have I turned into? My heart doesn't bleed for him. I hate people for having a father at their side. Love in this family has been taken for grantid so often, and when you betray that vow of caring deeply with me, I wont care for you anymore, and I can't care for him anymore. But I'm losing that with everyone, even Katie, but she deserves a better friend then me. I haven't been there for her lately, and I hate myself for it.

One of my sisters took 300 hundred dollars out of my account without telling/getting permission from me.. So much for getting my car next weekend.

I can't sleep anymore, I toss and turn. I can't sleep at night. People don't really want any more from me, I remember Titus, all I'm good for are subs and blow jobs. Why do people say I'm so strong when in fact I'm falling apart more and more every day? I hate being ugly. I hate being alone. But that's the path I choose for myself.

~Kathrine

Who are you thinking about already????/


♥ELEVEN:

You walk really slow when you're with them.



♥TEN:

You feel shy whenever they're around.



♥NINE:

You smile when you hear their voice.



♥EIGHT:

When you look at them, you can't see the other people around you, you just see him/her.


♥SIX:

They're all you think about.



♥FIVE:

You realize you're always smiling when you're looking at them.



♥FOUR:

You would do anything for them, just to see them.



♥THREE:

While reading this, there was one person on your mind this whole time.



♥TWO:

You were so busy thinking about that person, you didnt notice number seven was missing



♥ONE:

You just scrolled up to check & are now silently laughing at yourself.


NOW MAKE A WISH. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO......



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ALMOST THERE


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Post this as : 11 signs your crazy for someone

♥And something good will happen to you tonight.

Time, it took the most of me. The pain isn`t hurting me, but the emptiness that I feel is, if I can even call it that. You know, sometimes I cut myself just to see how much I can bleed before I become so dizzy and the world becomes a blur.

The hopes were high, the choirs were vast, now my dreams are shattered. There is a red sun rising. And I'm drowning without inhaling. Within, the dark holds hard. Red Sun rising. Curtain falling. I have no more hope.

Passiontide, an angel by my side, but no Christ to end this war. To deliver my soul from the sword. Hope has shown me a scenery, paradise poetry, with first snow I`ll be gone. My hopes were high, now covered in a warmth not ment to leave it's place..

My own death saved me...

One of the lost ones, the one without a name. Without an honest heart as a compass. This is me for forever. These lines the last endeavor to find the missing lifeline.

Oh how I wish for soothing rain. All I wish is to dream again. My loving heart lost in the dark, I'd give everything for hope. My flower is withered between the pages 2 and 3. The once and forever bloom gone with my sins.

Walk the dark path. Sleep with angels. Call the past for help. Touch me with your love, and reveal to me my true name.

Denying the lying, a million children fighting. For lives in strife, for hope beyond the horizon. A dead world. A dark path. Not even crossroads to choose from. All the bloodred carpets before me. Behold this fair creation of God. My only wish to leave behind all the days of the Earth, this everyday hell of my kingdom come.

The 1st rock thrown again, and I'm welcome to hell, little Saint Mother Gaia in slaughter. Welcome to paradise,
Soldier.

My 1st cry neverending all life is to fear for life. You fool, you wanderer. You challenged the gods and lost. Save yourself and let them suffer. In hope. In love. More then most.
I don't want to anymore.

Today is the last day.

Started up my own business. I'm making my own candles, candle holders, and candle containers. So I get learn how to weld, and all that shit. Should be interesting. I only have about a hundred dollars in my buisness so far, but I talked to a couple of women and they said they'd be interested in my work. My mom thinks it's a great idea. Even suggested that I used dads old office for it. So I'm going to use his welding tabels. I need to get a fridge and stove for down stares so I can heat the wax.

Mom is going to help me get business cards and a booklet made. So after our camping trip, I hope that we can get everything set up. But first, I'll have to clean dad's welding tables lol.

I'm going to sell not only candles, but stain glass holders, different types of candle holders, and glass designs. I hope it'll work. I want to have a candle party, and just make candles infront of people. Like have all the wax pre-melted and then put them together right infront of them. I don't know if it'll work, but it's worth a shot. Then if I get business cards made, I can put them out in the stores, and get advertisment in the newspapers, and a site set up.

Hope all goes well.


Found out my dad has diebetes. Not genetic though. Says he's moving back next christmas.
Lets hope he does.

Forgive, sounds good. Forget, I'm not sure I could. They say time heals everything, but I'm still waiting. I'm through, with doubt, there's nothing left for me to figure out, I've paid a price, and i'll keep paying.

I'm not ready to make nice, I'm not ready to back down, I'm still mad as hell and I don't have time to go round and round and round. It's too late to make it right, I probably wouldn't if I could, cause I'm mad as hell. Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should.

I know you said why can't you just get over it. It turned my whole world around and i kind of like it.

I made by bed, and I sleep like a baby, with no regrets and I don't mind saying, it's a sad sad story. That a mother will teach her daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger. And how in the world can the words that I said send somebody so over the edge that they'd write me a letter saying that I better shut up and sing or my life will be over?

He put me out like the burning end of a midnight cigarette. He broke my heart, I've spent my whole life trying to forget. He just watched me drink my pain away a little at a time. Funny though, I'll never get drunk enough to get him off my mind.
Until the night..

Night after night, I put that bottle to my head and pull the trigger. Then, white angels sing the whiskey lullaby over my head.

This truth drives me into madness.
I can stop it..

Funny, no one would even care.. or suspect

lol
~Laurel

P.S. I got my hair permed.. this is going to be interesting.

It is the end of all hope. To lose the child, the faith. To end all the innocence, to be someone like me. This is the birth of all hope. To have what I once had. This life unforgiven. It will end with a birth.

No one will to wake for this morn, to see another black rose born. Deathbed is slowly covered with snow. Angels, they fell first but I'm still here. Alone as they are drawing near. In heaven my masterpiece will finally be sung.

Wounded is the deer that leaps highest, and my wound it cuts so deep. Turn off the light and let me pull the plug.

Mandylion without a face. Deathwish without a prayer. End of hope. End of love. End of time. The rest is silence.

I was born amidst the purple waterfalls. I was weak, yet not unblessed. Dead to the world. Alive for the journey. One night I dreamt a white rose withering, a newborn drowning a lifetime loneliness. I dreamt all my future. Relived my past. I witnessed the beauty of the beast

Where have all the feelings gone? Why has all the laughter ceased? Why am I loved only when I'm gone?
Gone back in time to become this cursed child. Think of me long enough to make a memory, come bless this child one more time.

How can I ever feel again? Given the chance would I return? I've never felt so alone in my life. As I drank from a cup which was counting my time. There's a poison drop in this cup of Man, to drink it is to follow the left hand path.

Where have all the feelings gone? Why is the deadliest sin - to love as I loved you? Now unblessed, homesick in time, soon to be freed from care, from human pain. My tale is the most bitter truth: Time pays us but with earth & dust, and a dark, silent grave. Remember, me not as a child: Without innocence the cross is only iron, hope is only an illusion & Ocean Soul's nothing but a name...

A Child, Lord bless thee & keep thee forever. She needs your help.

It's fun being alone isn't it Laurel. A grave you've dug yourself. No one to pull you out.
All alone
Alone alone alone.

Having fun yet?

If my heart had a home. Never sigh for better world. It's already composed, played and told. Ever thought the music you write? Everything a wish for the night.

And you... I wish I didn't feel for you anymore...

A lonely soul... An ocean soul...

George is being stupid again and says we're getting married now lol.
He's like, "Think about it, we're probably the only two that could live with or stand each other. We'd be the weirdest couple, and end up killing each other in the end, but hey!"
"Pfft, yah right! I think of you as my older brother, not a husband."
"Well, this is Stockbridge!"
"Doesn't mean I'm marrying my bother!"

It was quite commical to be honest with you.

wrote new lyrics.. their coming along.



The sun is sleeping quietly once upon this century. Wistful oceans calm and red, ardent caresses laid to rest. For my dreams I hold my life, for wishes I behold my nights. A truth at the end of time, losing faith makes a crime.

I wish for this night-time to last for a life-time. The darkness around me - shores of a solar sea.. Oh how I wish to go down with the sun. Sleeping. Weeping.
With you.

Sorrow beholds a human heart. From my God it will depart. I`d sail before a thousand moons, never finding where to go. 222 days of light will be desired by a night. A moment for the poet`s play, until there`s nothing left to say.
Sleeping. Weeping.
With you.

I sometimes wish this life-time would end in this night-time..

~Laurel

Saw Titus have a girlfriend. They were expecting me to be mad lol. I'm like, I don't really care. Good for him...? Hope he's happy. That's all I really had to say. lol

Jason's going to help me get a motorcycle.. Hasn't contacted me back since we last talked so I doubt it. Fuck it, I'll just do it by myself. Only way to garuntee shit will get done.

Talked to good ole daddy last night. Another year. Why does this not suprise me? You know it's funny, it's him that turns me into this heartless ass whole. I don't even give a fuck anymore. I am so sick and tired of hearing one more year.

And why don't I give a flying flock shit anymore? I am so sick and tired of being hurt by the same flesh and blood that created me. I have turned into a hateful person, but it's remarkable of how well I can hide it around him. He doesn't even know, and I just laugh about it. Why? Because hate makes you stronger, and he wont know what I see behind these blue eyes.

Talked to Will for an hour last night. That guy cracked me up. I filled out an app to be his pirate lol.



Hidden and you're never gonna see. I'm no body that you ever wanna be. Because I know that the world is afraid of me.

Now you can try to sedate me, assassinate or just hate me. But there's nothing that you can do to me now. Now I'm greatly accepted in the mind I'm confused and intertwined. From being rejected so many times, I wanna leave everything behind.

But thank you, it's so kind of you to pick up the phone and give it a try for once and run and tell your fuckers.

So many questions, fingers pointing for answers. Suggesting that I'm the cancer that lingers inside the pasture. With shit up to my neck, and situations that's too fast to think about and most people can't dream about. A hundred million miles and every single second, and every time you hear this scream I want you to feel me on every sentence.

Reminisce from descendants of past treasures, we'll embark on a journey that'll stay alive forever. Plus I would stand over on my side of the fence regardless of the circumstances or the consequences.

I am my own worst enemy and I'm not the smartest motherfucker and shit, I don't pretend to be. And why I am the way I am is not a mystery. My mind's not in proper working order or in therapy. A brain that's confused and mentally abused.. Life's been hanging on a string so what the fuck I got to loose? And what the fuck I got to prove to you? If you don't know me by now, you'll never know me. You can put that on my tombstone for me.

I got problems and they stack like bills and I relate to the broken, bleeding heart love killed, and I awaited in the shadows, awake in the dark. Hoping to talk to the passed on, I'm falling apart I'm such a mess and indecisive, I'm fading away I'm out of touch with society and living today. Never relying on my sanity, I threw it away to become this maniac that's got your attention today.

Can you keep a secret? Well I'm afraid world because they want me to die, can you believe it? But I'm still alive... and been floating since '95 With my chin held high but I'm so dead inside. I let the problems just roll and put them back into a pile, because it's just a bunch of shit that I can't deal with right now. I'm tired of always guessing and messing it up again. The next day it's even deeper and I'm steadily sinking in further.

I took a look at myself and came to grips with what I found. It was a vision of a child, disturbed and broke down. No soul, no heart because I gave it away. No time for feeling sorry, I'll grieve another day. And all those tears are stored in storm clouds that hover above me in the cover of ugly. Continuing to haunt me when I'm feeling low. That's the same reason I hold on and never let go.

~Laurel